This evening in a bid to send a particular project to the printers, I kept Eli from taking his much needed sleep with my constant clicking/typing at the computer.

How easy it is to forget that these little things can make your partner feel like your projects that presidence over them and their well being. Doesn’t matter what project you may be working on, be it a big business proposal or a card you may actually be preparing for your partner. As long as it appears that you are more focused on getting that done than you are being considerate of your partner, it is a mistake.

Always put your partner first.

I usually plan to work on my projects while Eli is at work or engaged elsewhere. Whether I have to wake up extra early or sleep a little later, I will do that in order to complete my work and allow myself to devote the rest of the time to spending time with my partner, seeing to his needs and the needs of our relationship.

And it works very well. The only motivation I need is the fact that I cannot tolerate not being with Eli when I know I can, i.e. I cannot tolerate not being with him when both of us have no appointments elsewhere. Yes, I guess some would say I am psychotic or possessive. But this need to be with each other is serving us well in our relationship.

Sometimes even when you and your partner are together, it is easy to forget to “be with each other”. You assume you are “spending time together” simply because you are seated right next to each other.

In those moments I feel like Eli is with me, yet not quite with me, I would do a combination or either of the following (Tips on how to keep my lover):

• Look at him, smile prettily and wait for him to look at me – he is usually quick to look!
• Gently touch his arm, be sure not to “shock” him
• Offer him a glass of water
• Lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek
• Say, “Hi honey!” or “How are you darling?”
• Ask him, “Honey, could you put your computer aside for a bit?” – Eli always responds positively, immediately.

 
Sometimes I just ask him, “Honey, could you hold me please?”

Yes, you do have to tell your partner exactly what you need/want from him/her. No guessing games. And this is what open communication is all about.

It is very tempting to “test” the sensitivity of your partner by not asking for attention. Instead we do it on the sly and hope with all our fingers and toes crossed that our partner will be sensitive enough to realize what we want from them.

After all, “He should know better!” Right? Wrong.

Of course it is an added bonus if he/she does the things you need and want without you asking for it. If he/she doesn’t, you really can’t blame him/her.

For those of us who have a wonderful person to call our own, it is important to remember not to take them for granted. Remember all the little things they do for you and you will see that what you do is really insignificant to the magnitude of their generosity and consideration for you.

I know I have a wonderful man by my side who would drop everything to be with me at anytime. It is easy for me to “get used to” or feel he “ought to” because I deserve it. At the same time, doesn’t your partner deserve the same from you as well?

Tonight I made a mistake. One that cannot be undone, but it is a good reminder to always put my partner first.

There is no point planning and working for the infinite future when you are not treasuring today and the moments you have with the person closest to you.

Prioritize. Always put your partner first and that is key to keeping your lover, yours.