It is scary how easily I begin to take things for granted. Just 24 hours ago, I was on my knees in prayers of thanksgiving, with a heart beaming with gratefulness for the Lord’s mercy and generosity towards me. And this morning, I almost allowed myself to get caught up with the bad habit of starting my day without Jesus. Isn’t it too soon to be falling back into the comfortable life of living irresponsibly and thinking nothing can ever bring me down, only to realize all too late that life is empty, or when I take a tumbling humiliating fall that I am not almighty after all. I still need Jesus.

From an early age I’ve questioned the ability to live life without God, without religion and without believing in something/someone more powerful than I am. Someone so divine who can save you from your darkest hours. Isn’t it comforting to know that no matter what happens, what silly mistakes you make it life, that there is someone out there who can grant you salvation and take you out of the misery you are in?

Isn’t that why everyone craves relationships in some form or other? Isn’t that why women of a certain age want to get married and have someone commit to them? For the security, if nothing else.

I would admit that I’ve had a comfortable and sheltered life. I grew up with material comforts, parents who care and friends to count on. I never had to clean up my own mess. I even figured earlier on that if nothing worked out for me post-graduation, I could always go work for my dad or use my parents’ established network to get me somewhere. Perhaps I was indeed living in “Tinklebell land” but that was always at the back of my mind. Of course it is a tad too simplistic. And it is true that children with a family business tend to take it for granted that they will naturally succeed the business. I guess there was a little bit of that in my head, although my qualifications renders me redundant in the primary business.

Nevertheless, I would like to think that I have grown up a little bit more, and matured with time and circumstances. Although I am still highly reliant on the support of my parents and on Eli for cleaning up my mess, I have come to realize and have the desire to stand on my own two feet and work so diligently that there will be no more mess to clean up. If there ever is a mess, that I will handle it myself in a matured and professional manner.

Moving away to study and eventually to carve out a career geographically far from my parents have forced me to grow up and take care of myself in a lot of ways. The trials and tribulations that have come my way since graduation have also pushed me to face myself and grow up. Bluntly, I got a much needed kick in the behind.

God has been good to me and life has been kind. I’ve lived a good life, earned a good living and was easy with the cash. I also forgot about Jesus and about prayer. I’m too busy living the life that He has blessed me with to stop and have a conversation with Him. Too busy to even send him a quick message of “Thank You” and too occupied with the thought of where to go on my next shopping spree. Sure, I attended weekly Sunday Mass, but was my heart and mind really there? I spent a lot of time checking out people’s coats and shoes. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be going to church if not for the people around me, such as my sister and Eli. If they left me to make my own way to Mass, would I go? I mean, my parents left me at home for a month one December and I actually chose to sleep in, instead of taking that 10-minute drive to Church. Yes, I am an easy target for Jesus’ enemies, no wonder it is so easy for me to get distracted from praising Jesus!

So yes, the world was my oyster and who needs God or religion when you’ve got all the worldly comforts, right? A handsome lover, money in the bank, fine dining and limitless shopping sprees. I seem to have everything so easily, and my life was still good for months after I had forgotten about my friend Jesus. So yeah, I don’t need Him.

Obviously, I was wrong. Ever heard the term “easy come, easy go”? Like a rug pulled right out from underneath my feet, I woke up one morning and my life changed.

Suddenly, everything seemed so uncertain and I had lost all stability. There was not an ounce of motivation left in me and I just wanted to do nothing but be lazy. Ironically, I thanked God for my handsome lover who stuck by me and parents who patiently waited for me to stop ignoring them. And these three (four including God) people were and are the very same people who continue to endure my unstable emotional outbursts and continue to give me their unwavering support.

I’ve gone crawling back to Jesus, particularly in the past couple of weeks. Begging for His Divine Mercy and pardon, that He may overlook my sinful ways, forgive my ingratitude and save me from distress. Without having to wait long, my prayers have been answered. With fervour and a jubilant, grateful heart, I fell on my knees and offered an emotional prayer of thanksgiving.

And then today, a day later, I almost conveniently forgot about my Saviour, who has once again proven that He is real and His love for me is unconditional.

But I don’t want to be this way. I do not want to be this ungrateful brat. I don’t want to take anyone for granted, much less the one person of such great power, who has blessed me so abundantly in my life.

Thank You Jesus for granting my petitions, which with childlike faith I present to you. Please never let me wander far from you.