The high life is fun but empty without You.

Graduated university in under three years, got my first real employment within two weeks of submitting my last term paper and graduation status still pending, given a more than generous bi-weekly pay cheque and work was easy. I was doing what I loved and learning a whole lot in the process. With a whole lot of disposable income, shopping was a non-issue and so was dining at pricey restaurants. My shoe collection quickly grew, as did the doors of my closet find it challenging to shut.

I led a very good life for a fresh graduate. Nice shoes, classy coats, fat bank account and a handsome lover, what more can a young lady ask for?

A true friend.

The high life was giving me such a high that I sacrificed a sacred relationship. A friendship of unconditional love and plenty of giving. The person who gave me a chance to live the high life was left behind. I had forgotten all about him and didn’t care much either. No phone calls and no thank you messages.

Then I suffered a blow. The last couple of months have been rough. Uncertainty lurked at every corner and it was crippling. There was a great feeling of dread and fear when it came to getting certain things done. I felt like I had been in a bad accident and the trauma was too great that try as I might, I could not ignore. Each time I attempted to do those few things, it felt like moments before the bad accident. Paralyzing fear led to unproductive days.

Eli reminded me of this old trusted friend of mine and holding my hand, Eli brought me back to my friend and we talked. Admittedly I was dragging my feet the whole time. Firstly ashamed of my behaviour and secondly, just not too interested in rebuilding the relationship. But I kept all these to myself and went along. I felt like a hypocrite each time I would talk to Eli about this friend because 99% of my being didn’t want to believe myself. I let Eli lead the way and a couple of weeks later, lo-and-behold, the fire of friendship reignited.

My university chaplain once told me that even when I don’t feel much like going for daily Mass, just being there and receiving Jesus at Holy Communion, I will receive the graces. I don’t know how it happen or when, but he was right of course. Life was smooth sailing and understatedly pleasant.

Similarly, Eli’s prayers and my half-hearted presence at prayer reestablished my relationship with Jesus Christ, my one true friend.

My half-hearted prayers seemed to have worked and somehow with time, I managed to get over the trauma, face my fears and get back to action. It happened like a snap of the finger. I woke up one day and did what I had to do. The memory still vivid, but there was no crippling fear. Jesus healed me.

Then one after another, things started falling back into place. There were definitely many desperate cries for help and that was how I got back into conversation with Jesus.

And this is when I realize, life may be great and dandy but it is nothing without Jesus.

I could be shopping all day and partying all night, but at the end of the day when all is said and done, I am nothing and have nothing. All I would have are purchases that do nothing to my being. The very same material goods that would overwhelm me with guilt and shame when I run out of money.

I believe the real turning point for me was the Monday after Valentine’s Day, when I fell on my knees for the first time in a very long time and begged Jesus to give me back the bracelet Eli had just given me the day before, which had unchained and dropped. Jesus showed me then that He is real. Despite all my sinful ways, He has not forsaken me.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been praying for more progress in my career. I like my work and I know I am good at it. I’ve learnt so much in the past (almost) year of hands on work in this industry, working so closely with professionals, reading and putting into practice strategies of success.

I found an opportunity I felt matched my skills and interests perfectly. I went for it and felt like I bombed it badly. Prospects of getting callback was bleak, in my opinion. But I kept praying. I prayed desperately to St Jude Thaddeus asking him to please make the impossible, possible. I begged Jesus to change the mind of the hiring manager and to give me a shot.

In less than 12 hours, I got a callback for a second interview.

In less than 24 hours, I had an offer on the table.

I threw my hands in the air, shrieked, cried and fell on my knees in thanksgiving. (Eli did the exact same thing when I broke the news to him.)

I completely understand why Jesus allowed me to “suffer”. As a priest once said, God does not want us to be “thirsty” or live in poverty, but it is in the thirsting that we grow closer to Him and experience His blessings.

I’ve had a good life and I’ve been truly very blessed. I am thankful that God has not given me what I deserve because if He has, then I would be the dullest and most downtrodden person alive, or perhaps already dead, and burning in hell.

In all honesty, God has been very generous and merciful towards me. He has blessed me with gifts which on my own merit, I would never have earned.

And this is why I believe in Jesus Christ. I am the rebellious child who never did anything by the book. I would resist all parental interference, chew someone’s head off at the slightest offence and loved material possessions. I am a far from being a saint. I took Jesus for granted and yet He took me back without reservation. He showed His generous mercy towards me and in His time, answered my prayers and more. Jesus knows what we need before we ask of Him. He isn’t a pompous king who torments us just so we will do by his bidding or make us bring him fancy gifts before he would grant us a fraction of our requests.

On the contrary, God gives us more than we ask for because He loves us. He loves us as individuals. Even if He had to suffer and die on the cross just for you, He would have.