Today is my birthday.
Twenty-three years ago my mom gave birth to mini her. A miniature her who caused her many sleepless nights and countless heartbreaks. Perhaps the most recent heartbreak would be the choice to stay on in Vancouver, many miles from home despite having completed what I had left home to do – attain my degree. I stayed on for different reasons, one of which is obviously because my heart is here. I am very thankful my parents did not pressure me to return home. Instead they were supportive about me pursuing my happiness here.
I was asked if I am where I thought I would be at the age of 23. Well, I did not really think about where I would be when I turn 23, so it is a difficult question to answer.
Have I ever fantasized in my head where I would be when I turned 23? I would be lying if I said no.
In my fantasy world, I am an invaluable participant of the publishing world, living in a city that never sleeps. New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Toronto, Paris. Daily, lengthy visits to Starbucks where I will sometimes sit to read a book or write the next chapter of my novel or my column. I will always choose to sit outside, particularly if the café is located at a busy intersection. I like people-watching. I may also be pursuing a degree in creative writing. I will live in a downtown apartment and depending on the city, it could be modern architecture or quaint little ones. I just need great lighting.
Life will be full of walking the streets and not so much of being with someone. Having a prince charming never was part of the picture because I crashed and burnt at the age of 19.
In my more practical world, I thought about going home to my parents. I would work either for a bank or with my father, while pursuing a further degree or designation. This way I can be close to them and also to eventually inherit my dad’s firm so that his courage and effort of building it up for the past 20 years will not simply be sold as a brand to a complete stranger. In reality, I did check out universities and the various entrance exams I had to take, including deadlines.
In my first two years of university, I was at a crossroad. Do I pursue what I am good at? Or struggle at something that potentially have a faster financial turnover? Do I follow in my father’s footsteps so that I may take over his workload? Decisions, decisions. Choices that would alter my life forever.
I thought to myself: upon my graduation, it would be time for my parents to semi-retire and enjoy their golden years. I should be with them in those years. At the same time, it would also be the time of my life to travel the world and pursue a career of my own. The dilemma.
At that time, I was seriously losing sleep over it. But as always, things have a way of working out.
I ended up pursuing a degree in Communication and Publishing. A wise business advisor told me, “If you like reading what others have written, do an English degree. If you like writing, get a Communication degree. A business degree is not for you. Go get a Communication degree! (And get out of my office.)”
In my last year of university, I met Eli and we have spent every single moment possible together.
The year went by and classes ended. I started my first day of work at a full-service web company a week after my final exams. I loved my job and the people there were very kind. I learnt a lot about web development, Search Engine Optimisation (SEO), writing copy that sells, project management, recruitment and office politics. I was bringing home a hefty dough, and very happy.
My parents and little brother, whom everyone thinks is my elder brother, flew 24 hours to attend my convocation on June 5, 2009. It was an eventful trip.
Eli met my parents the following day when he picked me up after work and dropped me home. My mom had her guards up and couldn’t have shown greater disinterest. My dad was polite, kind and interested in learning more about this man who has swept his daughter off her feet, leaving her perpetually on “Cloud 9”. It didn’t take Mom long to warm up to Eli though (this is a story deserving a timeline of its own).
The almost-a-month-long trip came to an end and they had to return to having a life; there isn’t much to do in Vancouver!
Life was working 9-5, and spending the rest of the time in the arms of my beloved.
Unfortunately, my first full-time job had to go. I have been a freelance writer, photographer, web developer and copywriter since.
Financially it isn’t as comfortable as it used to be. I am thankful my parents are paying for the house I live in, and my sister is paying the rest of the bills that keeps this house running. Eli takes care of my food and (tsk tsk) shopping.
I used to ask myself why would the girl let her boyfriend pay for her shopping, and why would the man pay. I also asked why would married women pay for their own shopping as if she and her husband do not share finances.
Eli has always pampered me with extravagant purchases. I wouldn’t let him, but he still manages to do it. Now I am one of those girls who has her man pay for her shopping, and it isn’t because I ask, need or want him to, but he does it because he wants to pamper me.
So in answer to the question: are you where you thought you would be?
No.
I never thought I would meet such a wonderful man, fall in love with him and have him love me back. I never thought I would be celebrating yet another birthday without my parents, and have them celebrate their birthdays without their children. I never thought I would have left my first real job. I never thought I would be a freelancer, or politically incorrect – unemployed. I never thought I would be as heavy as I am today.
HOWEVER, I am happy and contented with life. I am healthy, joyful and loved. My mom says I am beyond “Cloud 9” and sometimes tells me to face reality. I am not running from reality. I just have rose-tinted glasses when I view reality because I am an eternal optimist. I am a happy person and I will have it no other way. If I am 32 and still a “freelancer”, I just want to be sure to be contented with life simply because I am healthy and with joy in my heart.