At the 80th minute of the movie Julia and Julie, Julie has a fight with her ever so supportive husband because she was so obsessed with her blog that she was unconsciously neglecting her husband and her marriage.
This reminds me of an argument Eli and I had earlier in the year.
To cut the long story short, I was self-obsessed with the things I had to do and I was not considerate for the most important person in my life. I was kicking up a fuss with him when it was not (always and/or entirely) his fault. My occupied mind might have caused him to feel neglected or taken for granted and unappreciated. Severe pitfalls to any relationship.
There was an incident when I got mad at him because he was running late and failed to inform me that he was going to meet me slightly later. I on the other hand had gotten ready by the earlier agreed time and was mad at him because I had to stop my work in order to get ready. So I was mad at him for being inconsiderate of the things I had to do.
I felt like he didn’t understand the effort that goes into me getting ready, how I have to plan ahead, take a shower and look appropriate. It sometimes takes me a while to decide what to wear. I am a lifelong vainpot after all – Eli knows that and appreciates that! Right, honey?
Which reminds me, when we first started dating, I would sneak into the bathroom for an additional 15 minutes every morning to brighten my eyes. After that, I would bashfully walk up to him, greet him good morning and apologize for taking a little while longer in the bathroom. Eli would say, “That’s okay dear. You look beautiful, doesn’t matter how long you take.”
Two weekends ago, we got all gussied up for an evening at the theatre and because I was busy putting the finishing touches to Christmas gifts and cards, and couldn’t decide what to wear until I was in the shower – I was 45 minutes late. My poor patient, ever suffering man was all suited up and waiting, waiting and waiting. Not a word of complain. Yet.
“You look beautiful. You are shinning,” said Eli when I was finally ready.
I apologised for keeping him waiting and he made some comment about my timing. A comment I have forgotten because he followed up by raining more compliments on me. But, I do remember reminding him about the earlier comment he made when we first started dating – that it is worth the wait because I always emerge looking stunning!
He denies it of course.
MEN!
One thing I know for sure, the weekend before Christmas must have taught Eli that while women – me – love surprises and surprise outings, it doesn’t really work very well when the woman he is trying to surprise is in pyjamas all day long with uncombed hair. He always winds up sitting around/napping while waiting, waiting and waiting.
I can only pray and hope that someday Eli and all the men in our life would understand and appreciate the entire process of us ladies getting ready. As I told Eli, we ladies don’t have the luxury of walking around with hair all over the place!
So anyway, I do get self-obsessed from time to time. I always get caught up with something I am working on and snap when anyone – including Eli – interrupts me. I am still working on that problem of mine. BUT this is not the point of this entry.
The point of this entry is that it is always so easy for us to get caught up with ourselves that we begin to neglect and alienate the people closest to us. It is almost impossible for us to see it of course. And it takes the person whom we are hurting to step up and tell us – Sweetheart, I love you more than you love yourself but perhaps the time you spend on your website and Twitter could be shared somehow? Shared with me and with God?
Ouch.
You know what? Eli is right. Without Eli there is no keepmylover.com and no keepmylover Twitter. Without Eli, my life is empty. Yes I may be really needy and reliant on Eli but that is the truth of the matter. Eli is my priority and that’s the way it should be.